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Today, for the first time since moving to the country, I really miss living in the city.

I don’t know why I felt it today.

Maybe because I’ve been sick for the past three days, barely able to lift my head off the pillow, cooped up in the house with nothing to do.

Maybe because all the snow has finally melted and revealed just how much WORK there is to do around this place.

Maybe because the house is an absolute disaster, and I miss having 300 square feet less of house to clean up.

Maybe because the seeds we’ve planted have started to sprout, and it makes me miss my garden.

Maybe because of the mud.  THERE’S SO MUCH MUD.

Maybe because we put ten years of work into our city home, finally got it to where we wanted it, and now we’re starting from scratch.  I feel too old to be starting from scratch.

I don’t know.  I’m feeling nostalgic about living in the city today.  I miss my little house, my lovely yard, my amazing garden.  I hope the tenants are taking good care of it.  I miss my neighbourhood, and taking Ziggy for walks and saying hi to the neighbours.  I miss having friends and family living within five minutes of my home.  We haven’t met any of the neighbours here yet – we’re too shy to go knocking on doors, and apparently so are they.

Last week, I could look at the yard and see so much hope and potential – I could even imagine exactly what it’s going to look like ten years from now.  But today, as the wind howled and banged the doors and windows of the house, and blew snow and sleet across the dull grey sky, all I saw out the window was a run-down property with a shit ton of work to be done.

Ugh.

It’s probably just because I’m not feeling well.  It’s hard to be hopeful and optimistic when you haven’t eaten anything except broth in the past three days.

I’m sure the homesteaders had days like these.  I’m sure I’m not the first to look out the window and want to give up before we even get going.  At least I don’t have to break 160 acres with a plow and a horse.

Sunny days are ahead, I know, but today was grey, and it made me miss my former life.

 

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