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Today was the day they were supposed to move our foster toddler to her new home.

Last week, we found out that they won’t be moving her for a couple more weeks.  I was informed of this “minor change” three days after I had given up my daycare spot for May.  Thankfully, daycare still had space for her.

On one hand, I’m relieved.  She gets to be with us a little while longer, and I can put off saying goodbye.

On the other hand, I had already mentally prepared to be child free by today, and now my brain is like, “What the hell?!  I was supposed to be installing quarter round and baseboard and spring cleaning and reading plays and taking dance classes.  You know, all those fun activities I planned to keep myself from sulking and grieving.  And now I have two more weeks of child-rearing?!  This is bull.”

But mostly, I’m happy that she gets to stay a bit longer.

But also, I’d really like to sleep in one of these mornings.

It’s such a tug of war inside me right now – wanting to be childfree, feeling guilty for wanting to be childfree, then not wanting to be childfree – ARGH!

Smack dab in the middle of all this lands our Annual Review and Family Development Plan that we have to sign and return to our resource worker.  It contains phrases such as, “They present to be patient and responsive to the children in their home” and “They present to have an understanding of permanency planning and reunification.”  What the hell?  They PRESENT?!  Is that code for “They appear to be patient and understanding, but when a worker isn’t watching, they’re really temperamental and bullheaded?”

It’s so tempting to correct all the grammar mistakes in a bright red pen and send it back for review.

But that would be petty.

Part of me wants to fight with our worker on every little detail and point out everything she did wrong, like she did with me.  Then part of me goes, “Oh just suck it up.  You can put up with a little bureaucratic bullshit for the kids who don’t have any say in the matter.  I can walk away from this at anytime, but the kids can’t.”

Sigh.  Being a grown up is so hard some days.

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